Some of you will be thinking of course we know people have bad days. But it is important to acknowledge them and not brush them under the carpet. Everyone likes to show the shiny, sparkly highlights of their life. After all, we’re often brought up learning to show off our successes and forget our failures. Well with a little inspiration from Stormzy’s recent interview with channel 4 news on mental health here is my not so shiny bits….
I had been having a funny few days recently. Everything has just felt off. I didn’t want to do anything but curl up and sleep. But when it came to bedtime, sleep did not happen. I just felt lost and completely overwhelmed and helpless. I felt constantly anxious about everything. Writing my incoherent thoughts onto this so-called attempt at ‘blogging’ is another kind of self therapy I have found besides throwing heavy things around in the gym.
……..I’ve mentioned the word anxiety before but it’s not something you can label yourself as having and the word is thrown around a little too easily for my liking. Some people suffer so so terribly with anxiety and it requires a professional diagnosis so using it higgledy-piggledy is not appropriate. However, I do get very anxious and feelings of total overhwelment (– definitely not a word but lets roll with it) The feelings come and go in phases, most of the time I feel on top of the world but sometimes I simply do not. These phases have become much less frequent since being at their worst in the summer. But when they do happen I don’t want to socialise, or go anywhere. I can’t focus on my uni work. I feel like I have no purpose and there is no purpose in anything else. I think I get so busy and enjoy being so busy; I often keep myself preoccupied with all these tasks I have to do, that then when I finally stop, I crash, hard, mentally and physically and I need to take some time to recuperate.
It’s a hard to thing explain if its not something you’ve ever felt. Although I was sympathetic to others feeling anxious before I had these feelings I never really knew what it all meant or really understood it. I’ve always had this vision, surround yourself with positivity and positive thoughts and good things will happen, if you focus on the negatives you can never be happy. I still believe in this balance of happiness, but I’ve learnt the importance of recognising when something is wrong, in order to overcome it. Looking after my mental health needs to be a priority. Recently it has not, hence the crash. I used to have this perception of myself as this strong person who could never be broken. I was wrong and I have been building myself back together since….
…AAAANDDDD I havee been doing a pretty good job of this if I do say so myself. I have become a strong woman and I am very proud of what I have achieved, with an exponentially growing sense of self worth. But bits do break now and again and that’s ok. – Tip, a wonderful friend of mine recommended The Goddess Revolution by Mellissa Wells and I believe this really helped in changing to a positive mind set about myself and my capabilities.
I’m not trying to pass on negativity to anyone, almost the opposite. I’m trying to share that it’s ok to have these not so good days and recognise them as such, and know they don’t last for ever. Nothing does. Everything in life is temporary. In a blink of an eye everything can change, so forgive often and love with all your heart.
I just landed into the beautiful city of Dubai for my 21st birthday, so about to have the biggest adventure of my life, solo in the Middle East…. look forward to my picture spam on every social media platform possible!!!
Love J xoxo